I Wish To Register a Complaint

20 03 2009


             “I wish to complain about the gratuitous violence on my recent safari…”


I was once asked if I had to catch my own food while on safari. I fleetingly pictured myself standing atop a speeding Landrover in pursuit of a herd of fleeing impala, Indiana Jones hat flapping in the breeze, a glinting spear wielded mercilessly above my head. Alas, I instead explained that we generally restrict our hunting to the supermarket of the nearest town before heading into the bush. My inquisitor seemed somewhat disappointed that my adventures were not intrepid enough for their liking and headed off to find someone more exciting.


The fact that hunting in a national park or reserve designed to protect wildlife from hunting would likely be frowned upon by heavily-armed rangers hadn’t quite registered with my chum. But then again it’s not the first time someone embarked on travels without having all their luggage in a row!


The Association of British Travel Agents recently compiled a list of the most ridiculous complaints made by holidaymakers. Any resemblance to Adventure Bloggers is purely coincidental:


“On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food at all.”


“Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.”


“We bought ‘Ray-Ban’ sunglasses for five euros ($8.00) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake.”


“No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled.”


“It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It only took the Americans three hours to get home.”

“My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”


“We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white.”


“I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends’ three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller.”


“The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the accommodation’. We’re trainee hairdressers – will we be OK staying here?”


“There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners.”


“I was bitten by a mosquito – no-one said they could bite.”


“I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”


“The beach was too sandy.”



Photo and post by:  Simon Vaughan